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Wendy Barillas
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #133716
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When to Consider Couples Counseling
You do not need to be in crisis to seek couples counseling. Here are signs it may help to talk with someone together, and how to begin at HOPE.
01
Signs It May Be Time
There is no single moment when couples counseling becomes the right call, but certain signs tend to show up. The same argument returns no matter how it starts. Conversations slide into criticism, defensiveness or silence. Trust has been hurt, through infidelity or another breach. One or both of you feel lonely, unloved or unseen, even while sharing a home and a life.
Other signs are quieter. You may notice that you avoid certain topics to keep the peace, that affection has faded, or that a big change, such as blending two families or living with the effects of addiction, has left you feeling more like opponents than partners. If any of this sounds familiar, it may be worth talking with someone together.
02
You Do Not Have to Wait
Couples counseling does not have to be a last resort. Some couples seek support while things are still fairly steady, because they want to understand a pattern before it becomes more entrenched, prepare for a big change, or simply feel closer. Others reach out in the middle of a painful season. Both are good reasons to begin, and neither requires a crisis.
You also do not need to agree on everything before you start, including exactly what the problem is or where the relationship is headed. Partners often see the same situation differently, and that difference is part of what sessions can make room for. If you are unsure whether repair is possible, that uncertainty can be part of the conversation too.
03
What Couples Sessions Can Hold
In sessions, you might work on communication, recurring conflict, trust, emotional distance, or the ways earlier experiences shape how each of you seeks closeness and protects yourself. A therapist can help slow down a familiar argument so you can notice what happens beneath it, such as the hurt, fear or longing that gets lost when voices rise. The aim is to understand the cycle you get caught in together without making either person the problem.
Some HOPE therapists draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy, which looks at the emotions and attachment needs beneath recurring conflict. Eva Di Giorgio, Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #144286, supervised by a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, uses methods from Emotionally Focused Therapy and brings emotion-focused, attachment-based and parts-informed perspectives to her work with couples.
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Wendy Barillas, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #133716, works with couples and with attachment wounds. Her work starts from the idea that early relationships shape how we see ourselves and how we connect with others, which can shed light on reactions that feel bigger than the moment. Other HOPE therapists see couples as well, and their profiles describe who they work with.
04
Room for Every Kind of Relationship
Couples counseling at HOPE is not built around one picture of a relationship. We welcome LGBTQ+ couples, blended families, and partners whose relationships do not fit a traditional mold. There is room for everyone here, and that includes the shape your relationship takes. Eva aims to offer a safe, gentle, culturally sensitive, sex-positive and LGBTQIA+ friendly space where each partner can feel known and witnessed.
People in non-monogamous relationships or other non-traditional family systems are welcome too. For individual support, Sarah Hausmann, a Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (#15480) supervised by a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, works with individuals and is comfortable with non-traditional family systems, including people who identify as non-monogamous.
05
How to Begin Together at HOPE
Starting can be simple. One of you can call 916-757-3030, email info@hope-counselingcenter.org, or use the form on our Work With Us page to say you are looking for couples counseling. Mention whether you would prefer our Roseville office or secure video, and whether you have a therapist in mind. For secure video, both partners need to be located in California during each session.
A therapist will contact you within 48 hours, Monday through Friday. New client forms are completed ahead of the first appointment. We will go over current fees with you before your first session, so you know what to expect before you begin. You have the right to receive a Good Faith Estimate. Please save personal details for your sessions rather than email, voicemail or the form.
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There is no perfect time and no perfect way to explain what feels wrong. Reaching out, together or on your own with a first question, is a gentle place to start, and you can take the rest at a pace that feels manageable for both of you.
Questions
Questions About This Support
What If My Partner Is Not Ready to Come?
That can happen, and it does not have to stop you from getting support. Relationship patterns can also be explored in individual counseling, where you can look at your own side of the cycle, what you need, and how you want to respond. When you reach out, tell us who would attend, and we can help you find a therapist whose work fits.
Will Our Therapist Take Sides?
No. Couples counseling at HOPE offers a calm, neutral place where each partner's experience matters. Rather than deciding who is right, your therapist pays attention to the pattern between you and helps each of you put your experience into words and hear what the other is trying to say. If either of you feels unheard, you can say so, and that can become part of the work.
Is Couples Counseling Only for Married Couples?
No. Couples counseling is for partners at many stages, whether you are dating, engaged, married, living together, or in a relationship that does not follow a traditional pattern. HOPE welcomes LGBTQ+ couples and non-traditional relationships. What matters most is that you want a supported place to look at what is happening between you and to decide what you would like to change.
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